Instagram: @HollyHaywardArt / @whatsyourpicture
This series of work was triggered by my response to acquiring HRT (hormone replacement therapy) after believing for 30 years that it would always be unsafe for me to have any form of hormone treatment due to perceived contraindications.
I am banging this drum (with my paint brushes!) loudly as I feel that I needed extra hormones much sooner, being in the 25% of women with severe menopause symptoms and likely the 10% who leave the workplace due to perimenopause. I gave up my job in education five years ago due to an unresolved tear in the ligament of my hip; despite having both a very supportive GP and employer, my condition didn't respond to treatments and after 12 months of sick leave I handed in my notice.
Up until that point I had been very active, working and spending all my free time scrambling up local mountains and documenting my explorations through art. Health specialists were puzzled by the cause of the ligament tear as there had been no actual point of injury whilst out climbing. My health deteriorated further and within the same 12-month period I was diagnosed with having a dysfunctional oesophagus, complex regional pain syndrome and was under several consultants. One of my lowest points was the onset of frozen shoulders. This is an extremely painful, immobilising, and debilitating condition. I couldn't face any more referrals, so I resigned to picking my way through NHS online exercises for 16 months. The impact this had on my physical ability to paint was huge and without a creative outlet my mental well-being took a severe battering.
I guess alarm bells started to ring when I made the connection between frozen shoulder and fluctuating hormones. This condition most commonly occurs in women aged 40-60 years and is now considered to be a symptom of menopause. I started to ask questions and reflect on my health pre ligament tear. Looking back, there were early signs of fluctuating hormones but at this point national safety guidelines regarding HRT and menopause were not in place, so I dismissed making more enquiries. When I recently asked my GP about his thoughts on this he very diplomatically replied “menopause is the precursor to many health issues” I think about this a lot and another of his quotes which I have held onto is “Doing nothing is not an option” - it is a call to action, and my medium is art.
The women's health painting series Deep research - together with lived experience, increasingly began to inspire my work, becoming a means to express the health issues facing not just myself but so many other peri/ menopausal women. The series captures moments which are both personal and collective experience. "Finding a place for the HRT patch" was a painting of celebration which found me baring both body and soul in a quest to bust myths about HRT. It is response to the beneficial, cumulative effect of three important factors:
The implementation of the HRT prepayment certificate - making this treatment an affordable option; the updating of NICE safety guidelines regarding contraindications; and an appointment with a GP who was trained in menopause and thus with knowledge of the above and prescribing a variety of treatments.
I feel strongly about raising awareness of national guidelines. These are always changing and quite frankly without this knowledge our choice regarding the range of treatments available becomes compromised and women continue to suffer both mentally and physically.
It was a conscious decision to paint this series of art in mostly monochrome or limited colour. This is unusual for me as a colourist, but I wanted the focus to be on narrative. The studies are personal experiences, but I hoped that by showing less of my face (anonymity) that they would resonate with other women too. They are painted on A4 board as I am currently unable to hold my arm out to easel as with previous larger pieces of work. It's often a challenge to fit a figurative composition onto this size of board. However, I feel like this has gone in my favour as it allows obscurity whilst simultaneously bringing other features to the foreground such as enlarged hands.
This series has developed by sharing my feelings visually with regards to a variety of issues including shortages of HRT and the injustice of some women finding hormone products abroad on the black market. I am currently project manager of ‘What's YOUR Picture’, with hopes of encouraging other women to consider their own picture of health and to seek factual information and support. Part of this work includes the digital editing of my paintings into educational posters which work well with punchy slogans. This is new territory for me, but
I feel that there is so much to achieve by collaborating with others. Also, I have been greatly encouraged by Cornwall Women's Health GP Charlotte Patton who sees the value of using art to break down barriers and stigma in women's health and promotes artists with this shared belief.
Inhibitions? I've had to leave them behind, I am now visually telling the whole world that women need topical oestrogen pessaries to avoid vaginal dryness and complications including bladder infections! Whilst I continue to live with chronic pain, I try to focus on what I can do - alongside chipping away at a myriad of menopausal symptoms and putting paint to canvas. Doing nothing is not an option.
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